WE ARE SO BLESSED

OUR GOD IS SO FAITHFUL!

ISAIAH 43:1-3 But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...

Our God is an awesome God. My pastor and friend David Blanton gave Gina and I the verse above when he found out that we had lost our baby. As we meditate on this text along with others (such as Psa. 62:5-8 and Psa. 46:1&10 given to us by my brother in Christ, Beau Cooksey) we see that God is with us. There is no way we could get through this if we didn't have Jesus to rest in and to trust in. He is our hope. There is nothing the nearness of Christ can not overcome.

Yesterday (Thursday) was a difficult day for Gina and I as it was the day that we were scheduled to have our first ultrasound done. The kids had an early release day from school then we were going to see if we were having a girl or a boy. Instead we took Gina to have a CT scan for some sinus problems she is having. She will be having surgery soon. Anyway we got through the day rejoicing and worshiping the Lord.

Today is our 16th anniversary and this day is as emotional as all the ones since last Thursday. It was just last Friday that I was rushing Gina to the hospital. We are saddened by our loss but also praising the Lord that we are together. Our God is a God of restoration and He will restore the days the locust have destroyed. Whatever the loss may be. Today is a special day in that we finalized a name for our baby boy. We believe in life at conception and therefore our baby was alive and needs a name. His name is Caleb Nathaniel Holden. Graham told us that he wanted his little brother to be named Caleb, and Greyson and Gigi came up with Nathaniel. Graham is so sweet, he said he would be able to see Caleb and spend forever with him when he gets to heaven. Not bad for a four year old.

Thank you all for your prayers. A special thank you to Aunt Mimi and Cousin Logan for coming to Wake Forest to be with us last weekend during this difficult time. They were such a blessing to us. Thanks to those who have called and sent cards of sympathy and encouragement. Please continue to lift our family up to the Lord as there is much grieving and mourning in this house, But it is all mourning and grieving with hope. Hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. God has blessed our family in every way and we praise him in the storm.
Job 1:20-22

Please scroll up or down and look at the slideshow of all our blessings.

God bless you

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble" Ps. 46:1

I am going to try and share with you the events of Friday the 19th in a way that will allow you to feel the emotions we were going through. We wanted to get out of our duplex so we spent the day at the seminary laying on a blanket, letting the kids run around and play. We got back home around 3:30. At 4:15 Gina started having contractions. We called the doctor and he said he would call in some pain medicine for Gina but that wasn't enough, Gina knew she had to go to the hospital. The contractions were intense and every 1 1/2 minutes apart. The hospital is 40 miles away and it was Friday at 5:00. The ride took forever. Gina was having continual discharges all the way there. When we arrived it was the typical emergency room experience. "Wait right over there, someone will be with you shortly." Gina just about came out of the wheelchair I had to put her in since she could not walk. We had to get very stern with them and show them that Gina was bleeding everywhere before they would get us to a room. We finally got to a room where we had to wait on the doctor forever. They would not give Gina any pain medication until the doctor got there so this was a very difficult time. After about 30 minutes of constant pain Gina screamed to me that something had come out of her. It was the baby. The doctor finally got there and got the baby and showed it to us. Our baby was a boy, our third boy to go along with our three girls. Our baby boy was absolutely beautiful. Our God is so amazing, He allowed us to see our baby and spend at least two hours with him before Gina was able to get a room in the operating room. At 14 weeks our baby was fully developed, he had 2 arms, 2 legs, 10 fingers, 10 toes, 2 eyes, a nose, a mouth, 2 ears. He was so beautiful. He had no hair, but that's nothing new with Holden babies. As we sat with our baby boy, in our sadness and through our tears we praised God. We saw His majesty through the life he had created. Only our God could make someone so beautiful and complete so quickly. Our baby boy was about 3 1/2 to 4 inches long. We thank God so much that we were able to spend that time with him. Gina went on to the operating room and everything went fine. We were home by 1:00 am Saturday morning.
Everything we went through Thursday and Friday was as if we were having a baby. We went for the ultrasound, Gina had contractions at home, we flew to the hospital while Gina had contractions all the way, we waited in the hospital while Gina continued to go through labor, the nurses rolled us back to the operating room (as usual for a c-section), Gina went to recovery, I went to get the van while the nurse rolled Gina to the main entrance, I helped the nurse get Gina in the car. The only difference in this time and all the others is that we had no baby coming home with us. We are grieving uncontrollably but we know we are in the hands of our Lord and that He will see us through this. We don't know why and we probably won't know this side of heaven. We have confidence that God will show us how, how to move on from here through this tragedy, how to glorify Him through this tragedy. We have taken so much for granted but God has shown us that life is precious and we should not take anything or anyone for granted. Please continue to pray for us. We have this hope that one day we will see a little soul come up to us in heaven and say, "hey momma, hey daddy."

The Lord Gives and The Lord Takes Away

Gina and I found out Thursday that our baby had no heartbeat. Gina was 3 1/2 months pregnant. She was to have a D & C Monday the 22nd.

How can something that brings so much pleasure bring so much pain? As Gina sat on the end of the table being told that our baby had no heartbeat she began to sob as did I. She looked at me with disbelief and anguish, with agony and grief. All of the other times Gina had looked at me with joy, excitement, with elation and love. How can something that brings so much joy bring so much pain? As I stood in the doctor’s office looking at the ultrasound picture my heart was broken and my tears were not withheld. This beautiful baby was gone, gone to be with the Lord. He was yours all along Lord but we selfishly want him here with us. The last time I saw an ultrasound picture was Lydia Anne and we were so happy when we saw her. I looked today at the picture of our baby with such sadness because he was gone. How can something that brings so much joy bring so much pain? The drive home was 40 minutes of crying and silence, crying and silence. Our other rides home from ultrasound appointments had been filled with laughter and joy, praise and excitement. How can something that brings so much joy bring so much pain? When we got home Gina and I walked in arm in arm with our heads down crying. Our neighbors came out to hear the good news of what we may have only to be told God had taken his child home. All the other times coming home has been joyous as we shared with everyone what we are having. How can something that brings so much pleasure bring so much pain? Our baby is with you now Lord. He has left this cruel world never to face the pains of this life, the torment of the world. He will only experience love and joy and sinlessness in your arms. So I guess my question should not be how can something that brings so much joy bring so much pain, but rather How can something that brings so much pain(this tragedy) bring so much joy? The answer is You Lord. The pain of this world has been swallowed up by you and all our baby knows is joy and pleasure with You. Our Lord is still on His throne and still in control. Please pray for us.