Gina and I found out Thursday that our baby had no heartbeat. Gina was 3 1/2 months pregnant. She was to have a D & C Monday the 22nd.
How can something that brings so much pleasure bring so much pain? As Gina sat on the end of the table being told that our baby had no heartbeat she began to sob as did I. She looked at me with disbelief and anguish, with agony and grief. All of the other times Gina had looked at me with joy, excitement, with elation and love. How can something that brings so much joy bring so much pain? As I stood in the doctor’s office looking at the ultrasound picture my heart was broken and my tears were not withheld. This beautiful baby was gone, gone to be with the Lord. He was yours all along Lord but we selfishly want him here with us. The last time I saw an ultrasound picture was Lydia Anne and we were so happy when we saw her. I looked today at the picture of our baby with such sadness because he was gone. How can something that brings so much joy bring so much pain? The drive home was 40 minutes of crying and silence, crying and silence. Our other rides home from ultrasound appointments had been filled with laughter and joy, praise and excitement. How can something that brings so much joy bring so much pain? When we got home Gina and I walked in arm in arm with our heads down crying. Our neighbors came out to hear the good news of what we may have only to be told God had taken his child home. All the other times coming home has been joyous as we shared with everyone what we are having. How can something that brings so much pleasure bring so much pain? Our baby is with you now Lord. He has left this cruel world never to face the pains of this life, the torment of the world. He will only experience love and joy and sinlessness in your arms. So I guess my question should not be how can something that brings so much joy bring so much pain, but rather How can something that brings so much pain(this tragedy) bring so much joy? The answer is You Lord. The pain of this world has been swallowed up by you and all our baby knows is joy and pleasure with You. Our Lord is still on His throne and still in control. Please pray for us.
2 comments:
I am so sorry for your pain and loss. We will continue to pray for your family. We love you. Paul and Elisha Morrison
My sister Elisha, shared your story with me. I am so sorry for your loss. Our son, Aaron, was stillborn 2 months ago. The 7 1/2 months we had with him were certainly not enough, but like you, we take comfort in knowing he will never know sin or pain. God's hands are so much more capable than our own. Still, I know the road is hard and I am praying for peace and comfort for you. I know God is holding you right now as there is no other way to make it through the loss of a child. My deepest sympathy, Carrie Castellano
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