“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble" Ps. 46:1

I am going to try and share with you the events of Friday the 19th in a way that will allow you to feel the emotions we were going through. We wanted to get out of our duplex so we spent the day at the seminary laying on a blanket, letting the kids run around and play. We got back home around 3:30. At 4:15 Gina started having contractions. We called the doctor and he said he would call in some pain medicine for Gina but that wasn't enough, Gina knew she had to go to the hospital. The contractions were intense and every 1 1/2 minutes apart. The hospital is 40 miles away and it was Friday at 5:00. The ride took forever. Gina was having continual discharges all the way there. When we arrived it was the typical emergency room experience. "Wait right over there, someone will be with you shortly." Gina just about came out of the wheelchair I had to put her in since she could not walk. We had to get very stern with them and show them that Gina was bleeding everywhere before they would get us to a room. We finally got to a room where we had to wait on the doctor forever. They would not give Gina any pain medication until the doctor got there so this was a very difficult time. After about 30 minutes of constant pain Gina screamed to me that something had come out of her. It was the baby. The doctor finally got there and got the baby and showed it to us. Our baby was a boy, our third boy to go along with our three girls. Our baby boy was absolutely beautiful. Our God is so amazing, He allowed us to see our baby and spend at least two hours with him before Gina was able to get a room in the operating room. At 14 weeks our baby was fully developed, he had 2 arms, 2 legs, 10 fingers, 10 toes, 2 eyes, a nose, a mouth, 2 ears. He was so beautiful. He had no hair, but that's nothing new with Holden babies. As we sat with our baby boy, in our sadness and through our tears we praised God. We saw His majesty through the life he had created. Only our God could make someone so beautiful and complete so quickly. Our baby boy was about 3 1/2 to 4 inches long. We thank God so much that we were able to spend that time with him. Gina went on to the operating room and everything went fine. We were home by 1:00 am Saturday morning.
Everything we went through Thursday and Friday was as if we were having a baby. We went for the ultrasound, Gina had contractions at home, we flew to the hospital while Gina had contractions all the way, we waited in the hospital while Gina continued to go through labor, the nurses rolled us back to the operating room (as usual for a c-section), Gina went to recovery, I went to get the van while the nurse rolled Gina to the main entrance, I helped the nurse get Gina in the car. The only difference in this time and all the others is that we had no baby coming home with us. We are grieving uncontrollably but we know we are in the hands of our Lord and that He will see us through this. We don't know why and we probably won't know this side of heaven. We have confidence that God will show us how, how to move on from here through this tragedy, how to glorify Him through this tragedy. We have taken so much for granted but God has shown us that life is precious and we should not take anything or anyone for granted. Please continue to pray for us. We have this hope that one day we will see a little soul come up to us in heaven and say, "hey momma, hey daddy."