Jesus is our Comfort

How do I get through the day? Moment by moment. There has not been a good day since Brandon’s been gone, but there have been some good moments. I have never been so sad in my life, but when I focus on Christ and the blessed assurance we have for eternal life, those moments are great. Even though I know where Brandon is, the thought of never seeing him again here on earth is devastating. The thought of my children not having him as a friend, role model, an encourager is crushing me. I have been spending so much time in the Psalms but for the last few days God has taken me to 2 Corinthians. As I have been reading and meditating on God’s word I realize that Christ is our comfort in suffering.

2 Cor. 1:3-ff- Blessed be the God and Father of our

Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Mercies and

God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation,

 that we may be able to comfort those who are

in any trouble, with the comfort with which we

ourselves are comforted by God.  For as the sufferings

 of Christ abound in us, so our consolation

also abounds through Christ.

I pray that God will turn my pain into praise. Only God can do that. There is nothing I can do to cause this to happen. I must just rest in Christ.

Come to me all you who are weary and

 heavy laden and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,

 for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and

you will find rest for your souls. For My

yoke is easy and My burden is light.

 I realize through 2 Cor. 1 that Christ is the only comfort we can find; nothing else will bring us comfort in times of tribulation. Not only does Jesus give us comfort but He allows us to comfort others through Christ when they go through trials and tribulations. God, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. God keep my focus off of myself and my circumstances and let my focus be on you and you alone.  I pray God will keep my focus on what I know. Christ has given me some comfort; I know that the blessed assurance we have of eternal life was also Brandon’s blessed assurance. We know he is with Jesus right now.  The sad part about death is those that die without the blessed assurance that Brandon had. My vision, more so now than ever before, is to Just Speak Life to those who have no Life. I have thought many times about how much more difficult this would be had Brandon not accepted Christ as his Savior King. There would be no blessed assurance, no hope of ever seeing Brandon again, but we know we will see Brandon again, soon. 

God thank you for your salvation, for your grace, for your mercy, and for your perfect peace.

This George Mueller quote below was on one of our friends blog who are going through a trying time with there new born baby, Shepherd. He was born early and has not been able to breath on his own since he was born. They are doing many procedures and we are just praying for Shepherd and his parents that God's will be done. Please pray for his parents, Noah and Stephanie, for God to comfort them and give them His peace during this time and for healing of Shep's little body.

 

"The strength of our faith is in direct proportion to our level of belief that God will do exactly what He has promised. Faith has nothing to do with feelings, impressions, outward appearances, nor the probability or improbability of an event. If we try to couple these things with faith, we are no longer resting on the Word of God, because faith is not dependent on them. Faith rests on the pure word of God alone. And when we take him at His Word, our hearts are at peace.

God delights in causing us to exercise our faith. He does so to bless us individually, to bless the church at large, and as a witness to believers. Yet we tend to retreat from the exercising of our faith instead of welcoming it. When trials come, our response should be, "My Heavenly Father has placed this cup into my hands so I may later have something pleasant."

Trials are the food of faith. Oh! may we leave ourselves in the hands of our Heavenly Father. It is the joy of His heart to do good to all His children. Yet trials and difficulties are not the only way faith is exercised and thereby increased. Reading the scriptures also acquaints us with God as He has revealed Himself in them. 

Are you able to genuinely say, from your knowledge of God and your relationship with Him, that He is indeed a beautiful being? If not, let me graciously encourage you to ask God to take you to that point, so you will fully appreciate His gentleness and kindness, so you will be able to say just how Good He is, and so you will know what a delight it is to God's heart to do good for His children.

The closer we come to this point in our inner being, the more willing we are to leave ourselves in His hands and the more satisfied we are with all of His dealings with us. Then when trials come, we will say, "I will patiently wait to see the good God will do in my life, with the calm assurance he will do it."

In this way, we will bear a worthy testimony to the world and thereby strengthen the lives of others."

-George Mueller

God is good and all His ways are good

It has been almost impossible to write lately, so many things go through my head every second that I can't keep track of them.  I still struggle to focus on what I know instead of what I don't know.  Too many times I focus on me instead of God.  I focus on my sadness, my pain, my misery instead of focusing on what matters.  It's when I stop focusing on what doesn't matter, me, and focusing on what does matter, God, that i experience His peace.  It's not about us. It's about God.  In exodus 33 Moses is not sure what to do as he is supposed to lead the Israelites up out of Sinai  to the land flowing with milk and honey. He was dialoging with God and you can see his doubt. Moses wanted to know who was going to go with him. He didn't want to go at this alone.  In verse 14 God said, "My Presence will go with you and I will give you rest." Oh how I need His presence and His rest.  God is with us, His presence with us. God is faithful and will be with us. Nothing can separate us from His love. When we feel as if God is not with us it's because we have turned away from Him. When we realize that we are never alone our problems, trials and tragedies become secondary. There is nothing the nearness of Christ can't overcome. 
Momma is still here with us and we are living in the NOW, Experiencing Christ moment by moment, trusting Him to carry us from one moment to the next. Our hearts are broken but we know God has a plan. Our focus has to be on Him and the power of the resurrection this weekend, as it will be so hard without Brandon here. I know one thing for sure, this is the best Easter Brandon has ever had, spending it with Christ gathered around the banquet table enjoying His presence and the feast.

Just Speak Life Ministries is up and running. God has blessed us with ideas, support, encouragement and numerous testimonies of His power through all of this.  JSL T-Shirts are ready and were sold last night at  College Night in Gaffney SC.  Wrist bands have been ordered and should be here in a couple of weeks, the "My Mission Journal" is at the printers and should be completed soon.  The website is still being constructed but should be complete soon. We are sending out 400 postcards promoting JSL, we are offering to come and speak and share the message of Life with the lost , as well as to the defeated Christians.  Continue to pray that God would be glorified through the life and death of Brandon.  Please pray about how God can use you to share Just Speak Life to others. If you would like a journal, t-shirt, wristband, Mission Journal, or just want to contribute to this ministry leave a comment on this post and we will get in touch with you.

God Bless You!                                                        John 6:63

2 Corinthians 4:17

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and
eternal weight of glory. 2 Cor. 4:17

And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Phil. 4:19

God has kept me in these verses today. I need God's peace and He has given it to me. It is in me. His life is in me. God has placed peace in us but the weeds of life's circumstances are choking out God's peace. These verses tell us that our afflictions are light compared to the eternal weight of His glory even though we are devastated. Also we find great comfort in knowing God will meet all our needs, even the deepest needs we have through tragedy which is His everlasting peace. God is our gardener and will prune and remove all the weeds that are choking out His peace. We don't understand why God chooses to prune the way He does but we must trust Him, for He is God and we are not. I pray I get to the point that I can thank God for my afflictions and troubles knowing they will produce far more peace and outweigh the trials I endure. Please pray for "Just Speak Life," that God would use this ministry to challenge and show others how to experience and express Jesus in the now as we speak life into others; the Life of Christ.

We did get this testimony today and praise God for it. "i was just told by one of my buddy's that he had the opportunity to use Brandon's journal to lead his small group last night! he said that they've never been challenged as much as they were last night and that the fact that Brandon was around their age had a huge impact on them. He said it 'put us all in our places.'"

God is doing far more than we could have ever imagined through this tragedy. We will have JustSpeakLife t-shirts soon and bracelets. Our mission journal is at the printers and we will be looking to speak everywhere we can to spread the message of Just Speak Life.

God is our refuge and strength
A very present help in trouble.
Even though the earth be removed
And though the mountains be carried
into the midst of the sea;
Though its waters roar and be troubled,
Though the mountains shake with its swelling....
Be still, and know that I am God
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.

We are back in Wake Forest and nothing seems to be any easier, in fact probably harder, not having the support we had in Spartanburg. I wanted to write yesterday but just didn't have
the strength. God kept me in Psalms 46 yesterday and today. He is our strength because we have none. As I continue to grieve, questions keep going through my mind. I pray that my question of Why? is not a question of lack of faith but a question of not understanding and grieving. My question of "why God did you take Brandon?" was somewhat explained yesterday in my time with the Lord. I was looking at it as if Brandon's life had been cut short and it wasn't fair but in reality Brandon's race was over. All of our days are numbered and we must make the most of the time God gives us. Brandon finished his race strong. He accomplished more in his 20 years than most accomplish in a lifetime. It's comforting to know God said to Brandon,"Well done thy good and faithful servant." Right now we are praying, as David Blanton said, " that God's grace would be greater than our grief." We don't know why but we must trust God. We must focus on what we do know, not what we don't. We don't know why this happened to Brandon but we do know that God is our refuge and strength, and His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. As I have been reading and meditating today I realize that blessings come to us in mysterious ways: through pain and tragedy. It's at those times that we can know God's goodness, only through trusting in Him. Our understanding will fail us, but trust will keep us close to God. We have anxious thoughts and everything, and I mean everything reminds us of Brandon, but we must listen to God, turning away all other voices, so God's voice is all we hear. We are praying for God's perfect peace, and as God gives us little glimpses of what He is doing through this we can feel that peace. Please continue to pray for us as our grief is so great and every reminder brings tears and feelings of unbelief in the pit of our stomach. We love all of you and thank you for the prayers and support.

Just Speak Life. John 6:63

Brandon

For those that don't know my brother, Brandon was killed in a car wreck Tues. March 17th. This has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Gina, the kids and I have been in Spartanburg since the 17th. We are heading back to Wake Forest today, the 29th. My mom is going back with us to spend some time with us. Our grief is great, but we know God is sovereign and He has a bigger plan that we don't see yet. We don't understand ,we are angry and sad but God is our comfort. When our focus is on God's presence, things that trouble you will lose their power over you. Though our world around us is confusing and falling apart, we must remember that "I have overcome the world. I told you these things, so that in Me you may have Peace." Peace is what we long for in times like these and if we are followers of Christ we alredy have that peace through Jesus who is in us.
Yesterday God spoke to me through Isiah 26: You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trust in You. Trust in the Lord forever, For in Yah, the Lord, is everlasting strength. Our family needs His perfect peace and His strength. Please pray for our family as we walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I miss my brother more than you can imagine. The pain we are experiencing is unbearable, but we are trusting in God to carry us through this pain. I am planning to update our blog regularly to keep you updated on our family and what the Lord is doing through this tragedy. Coming soon will be a website with a blog. The address will be Justspeaklife.com
Those of you that are walking through this with us remember to Be still in God's presence and let nothing distract you from your first Love.

Potty Training and Gardens

Lydia Anne is learning to potty.
This was a great laugh. She fell in, then went crazy.





















We have two aspiring artist in the house, Ellie and Lydia Anne decided to draw us a picture on the cabinets and the wall. They used a permanent sharpie.


















We went to Duke Gardens on Valentines Day. It was beautiful. The kids had a great time as did Gina and I.






















Gigi and Greyson fell in here and Gigi is looking for her shoes. They were never found.














































































Wild Tree, Graham wanted to climb it so bad.


















Lydia Anne watching Gigi look for her shoes.




















































Graham is trying to catch that thing!
















God's majesty in nature is easily seen here.





















Amazing water table


















Gigi is so beautiful.
















Bamboo jail; pretty cool.

October- December 2008

Happy New Year 2009

Wow! 2008 is gone. It went by so quickly. I haven't blogged since Oct. so there is alot to tell and show. I can't get all the pics on one post so I decided to put a slideshow (above). Our show starts with Gina's surgery; she had sinus and ear surgery. All went well but since the surgery we have found out that Gina has had severe hearing loss in both ears.Please pray that God would heal her ears and that some of her hearing would return. Next, some pics of the kids feeding the geese in our back yard and our first snow. No accumulation. Next, December 12 was Graham's birthday. We had some neighbors and Graham's friends over for cake and ice cream. 5 years old, wow how time flies. Gigi had her first violin program at school. She did great.She loves to play and practices all the time. She learned Silent Night on her own.The rest of the show is Christmas pictures from here and Spartanburg. It was great to see family and friends while we were their for 12 days. What a blessed Christmas it was knowing that our Lord and Savior was born in a manger, in a lowly stable for us. Thank you Jesus.

LYDIA ANNE"S BIRTHDAY

October 5th was Lydia's birthday. She turned two. We got her two cakes, one just for her to enjoy and the other one for us all to enjoy. She loved them as you can see. She loves to eat. If she sees food she says "want some." We spent the day at home but since then have taken her to the local ice cream shop in downtown Wake Forest and had a blast. See the pictures at the bottom of this post..






























































































The inside of the ice cream shop is very neat. Lydia loved sitting on the saddles used as bar stools. After the ice cream shop we went out to walk on the tracks.

Thank You

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade on your right hand.
The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The LORD will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.

We went to the doctor last Thursday for Gina's follow up appointment. It was a tormenting time, they put in the same room that we were in when we found out that Caleb Nathaniel had no heartbeat. Of coarse they did not know I'm sure, but it was a very difficult time. The doctor said Gina is doing just fine, physically. Gina and I are getting our strength to go through each day from the Lord. As the above Psalm states, my help, our help comes from the Lord. We will get through this, but not in our own strength, only by the grace of God can struggles come our way and we move to the other side of them with a brokenness that only trials can bring.

James 1:2-4 says count it all joy when you fall into various trials, Knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work,that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

God allowed a trial in our life and through his spirit in us we must consider it joy. WHY? To have patience and to be complete lacking nothing. We are lacking nothing, because Christ is in us,
so we must consider this trial joy. Are we still mourning and grieving? Absolutely, but we have this hope in Jesus Christ that will see us through this. There is nothing the nearness of Christ cannot heal. Sometimes the ruts in our life are God's grooves of Grace.

Thank you so much to those who sent cards of encouragement and called to tell us you love us. There is no way we can express our appreciation for our spiritual family and the outreach we have had. Thank You. We Love you

Tim and Gina

WE ARE SO BLESSED

OUR GOD IS SO FAITHFUL!

ISAIAH 43:1-3 But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...

Our God is an awesome God. My pastor and friend David Blanton gave Gina and I the verse above when he found out that we had lost our baby. As we meditate on this text along with others (such as Psa. 62:5-8 and Psa. 46:1&10 given to us by my brother in Christ, Beau Cooksey) we see that God is with us. There is no way we could get through this if we didn't have Jesus to rest in and to trust in. He is our hope. There is nothing the nearness of Christ can not overcome.

Yesterday (Thursday) was a difficult day for Gina and I as it was the day that we were scheduled to have our first ultrasound done. The kids had an early release day from school then we were going to see if we were having a girl or a boy. Instead we took Gina to have a CT scan for some sinus problems she is having. She will be having surgery soon. Anyway we got through the day rejoicing and worshiping the Lord.

Today is our 16th anniversary and this day is as emotional as all the ones since last Thursday. It was just last Friday that I was rushing Gina to the hospital. We are saddened by our loss but also praising the Lord that we are together. Our God is a God of restoration and He will restore the days the locust have destroyed. Whatever the loss may be. Today is a special day in that we finalized a name for our baby boy. We believe in life at conception and therefore our baby was alive and needs a name. His name is Caleb Nathaniel Holden. Graham told us that he wanted his little brother to be named Caleb, and Greyson and Gigi came up with Nathaniel. Graham is so sweet, he said he would be able to see Caleb and spend forever with him when he gets to heaven. Not bad for a four year old.

Thank you all for your prayers. A special thank you to Aunt Mimi and Cousin Logan for coming to Wake Forest to be with us last weekend during this difficult time. They were such a blessing to us. Thanks to those who have called and sent cards of sympathy and encouragement. Please continue to lift our family up to the Lord as there is much grieving and mourning in this house, But it is all mourning and grieving with hope. Hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. God has blessed our family in every way and we praise him in the storm.
Job 1:20-22

Please scroll up or down and look at the slideshow of all our blessings.

God bless you

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble" Ps. 46:1

I am going to try and share with you the events of Friday the 19th in a way that will allow you to feel the emotions we were going through. We wanted to get out of our duplex so we spent the day at the seminary laying on a blanket, letting the kids run around and play. We got back home around 3:30. At 4:15 Gina started having contractions. We called the doctor and he said he would call in some pain medicine for Gina but that wasn't enough, Gina knew she had to go to the hospital. The contractions were intense and every 1 1/2 minutes apart. The hospital is 40 miles away and it was Friday at 5:00. The ride took forever. Gina was having continual discharges all the way there. When we arrived it was the typical emergency room experience. "Wait right over there, someone will be with you shortly." Gina just about came out of the wheelchair I had to put her in since she could not walk. We had to get very stern with them and show them that Gina was bleeding everywhere before they would get us to a room. We finally got to a room where we had to wait on the doctor forever. They would not give Gina any pain medication until the doctor got there so this was a very difficult time. After about 30 minutes of constant pain Gina screamed to me that something had come out of her. It was the baby. The doctor finally got there and got the baby and showed it to us. Our baby was a boy, our third boy to go along with our three girls. Our baby boy was absolutely beautiful. Our God is so amazing, He allowed us to see our baby and spend at least two hours with him before Gina was able to get a room in the operating room. At 14 weeks our baby was fully developed, he had 2 arms, 2 legs, 10 fingers, 10 toes, 2 eyes, a nose, a mouth, 2 ears. He was so beautiful. He had no hair, but that's nothing new with Holden babies. As we sat with our baby boy, in our sadness and through our tears we praised God. We saw His majesty through the life he had created. Only our God could make someone so beautiful and complete so quickly. Our baby boy was about 3 1/2 to 4 inches long. We thank God so much that we were able to spend that time with him. Gina went on to the operating room and everything went fine. We were home by 1:00 am Saturday morning.
Everything we went through Thursday and Friday was as if we were having a baby. We went for the ultrasound, Gina had contractions at home, we flew to the hospital while Gina had contractions all the way, we waited in the hospital while Gina continued to go through labor, the nurses rolled us back to the operating room (as usual for a c-section), Gina went to recovery, I went to get the van while the nurse rolled Gina to the main entrance, I helped the nurse get Gina in the car. The only difference in this time and all the others is that we had no baby coming home with us. We are grieving uncontrollably but we know we are in the hands of our Lord and that He will see us through this. We don't know why and we probably won't know this side of heaven. We have confidence that God will show us how, how to move on from here through this tragedy, how to glorify Him through this tragedy. We have taken so much for granted but God has shown us that life is precious and we should not take anything or anyone for granted. Please continue to pray for us. We have this hope that one day we will see a little soul come up to us in heaven and say, "hey momma, hey daddy."

The Lord Gives and The Lord Takes Away

Gina and I found out Thursday that our baby had no heartbeat. Gina was 3 1/2 months pregnant. She was to have a D & C Monday the 22nd.

How can something that brings so much pleasure bring so much pain? As Gina sat on the end of the table being told that our baby had no heartbeat she began to sob as did I. She looked at me with disbelief and anguish, with agony and grief. All of the other times Gina had looked at me with joy, excitement, with elation and love. How can something that brings so much joy bring so much pain? As I stood in the doctor’s office looking at the ultrasound picture my heart was broken and my tears were not withheld. This beautiful baby was gone, gone to be with the Lord. He was yours all along Lord but we selfishly want him here with us. The last time I saw an ultrasound picture was Lydia Anne and we were so happy when we saw her. I looked today at the picture of our baby with such sadness because he was gone. How can something that brings so much joy bring so much pain? The drive home was 40 minutes of crying and silence, crying and silence. Our other rides home from ultrasound appointments had been filled with laughter and joy, praise and excitement. How can something that brings so much joy bring so much pain? When we got home Gina and I walked in arm in arm with our heads down crying. Our neighbors came out to hear the good news of what we may have only to be told God had taken his child home. All the other times coming home has been joyous as we shared with everyone what we are having. How can something that brings so much pleasure bring so much pain? Our baby is with you now Lord. He has left this cruel world never to face the pains of this life, the torment of the world. He will only experience love and joy and sinlessness in your arms. So I guess my question should not be how can something that brings so much joy bring so much pain, but rather How can something that brings so much pain(this tragedy) bring so much joy? The answer is You Lord. The pain of this world has been swallowed up by you and all our baby knows is joy and pleasure with You. Our Lord is still on His throne and still in control. Please pray for us.

Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to say hi. We have been having trouble with our blog. We can' t upload pictures for some reason. We are working on it though. We had a great week at Pawley's Island SC. in July. It's now time for school to begin. I start classes on the 14th of August. I'll try to get some pictures for everyone to see as soon possible.

Here are our tomato plants on the first of May














Here are our plants on the first of July. Just the two in the ground, not the bucket. Amazing isn't it? You can also see our squash plant to the left, and sweet basil in the pot up front. Its been great watching all these plants grow. Also notice the new grass that wasn't there in the first picture.







We have at least 50 tomatoes on these two plants. If you look closely you can see close to 20 in this picture. The kids are excited about them growing and can't wait for them to turn red. Right now all we can do is have fried green tomatoes.







We also planted some cucumber plants. There are only a couple of weeks old but seem to be doing great.